In Which Holly Writes Letters

Posted by Holly Phelps on May 13, 2010   Jump To Comments

I have been away from TV/Internet for several days due to moving, but nuggets from my Twitter feed have gotten me thinking.  Since I’m one of those people who thinks aloud on occasion, and since my thinking aloud sometimes comes in the form of verbal letters…

Dear Brian Westbrook,

I know you’re still without a team, and I hear you came to Washington yesterday to visit the Redskins.  Must be nice, getting the chance to chat with Mike Shanahan, a coach who loves running backs.  (Not that you’re only a running back, of course.)  Must also be nice to reminisce about the good old days with Clinton Portis, Larry Johnson, and Willie Parker, the other veteran running backs on the Redskins roster.  Heck, it’s like a class reunion!  After all, the four of you combined for 13,002 all-purpose yards and 97 touchdowns in 2005-2006.

So what if none of you cracked 700 all-purpose yards or scored more than twice in 2009?  If Shanny had all 4 of you on the roster, you guys would almost match up to what Larry did in 2006!  That would be teamwork at its finest, right?

Here’s what I’m saying, Brian.  Don’t go to the Redskins.  Please.  Don’t be a part of their Has-Been All-Star Team.  Old School was a great movie, but it wouldn’t make for a good football team.  If you’re getting nostalgic, why not head to Denver, where Brian Dawkins and Correll Buckhalter have found life-after-Philly? Or, instead, why not come to Green Bay, where you can kick Andy Reid’s ass on opening weekend?  Just a thought.

Love, Holly

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Dear Brian Cushing,

Really?  HCG?  Uh, unless you’re trying to get pregnant, which has already been done, I’d recommend staying away from any PEDs that include hormones used by us ladies. They tend to stand out on a drug test.

And if you do, in fact, have a tumor?  Why on EARTH wouldn’t you have gone to an oncologist back in October, when you found out you failed the test in the first place?

I’m frustrated that all of this speculation has planted seeds of doubt about Clay Matthews. I’m overly protective of my Packers (except the idiots like Jolly who – allegedly — drink codeine out of cups).  I really hope you’re not sick, because I don’t wish that kind of misery on anyone.  But that means I’m hoping you cheated, which is also not spectacular. Ugh.

Love, Holly

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Dear JaMarcus Russell,

I heard you got fired from your job.  That bites.  Excuse me while I wonder what took the Raiders so long, because, frankly, unless they were planning to transition you to the offensive line, you haven’t been in playing form for some time.

Love, Holly

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Dear Al Davis,

You paid him $100,000 per completion. That’s gotta hurt.

Love, Holly

Got a letter of your own?  Leave them here or send them to holly@brentfavre.com or @htphelps on Twitter.